Does the Grauniad Only Exist to Piss Off Non-Wankers ?

So, a British Olympian tweeted his disappointment in the new kit for the Brits...

Well this isn't right... Where's the Union Jack!?!? @BritAthletics (this is the kit for worlds) pic.twitter.com/RAVoi6yRex

— Greg Rutherford (@GregJRutherford) August 13, 2015

I was inclined to agree with him, especially given the inclination of the government to shit over both the flag and other traditional designs in recent years.  And given the recent (although increasingly due to DC & Co., sadly seemingly temporary) vote on Scottish independence, why not celebrate the flag ?  But no biggie, really.

So, how does the Graun. respond to this shit ?  Why by having some asshole shit all over not just 'Team GB's kit, but the Union Flag itself...of course...As one does.

The trouble with the United Kingdom’s flag, when you come to think about it, is that it is really quite ugly. I have every sympathy for the designers who removed it from the British athletics team’s vests for the imminent World Athletics Championships in Beijing. Olympic long jump champion Greg Rutherford has complained that “it isn’t a British kit any more” because it hasn’t got the union flag, but the decision makes sense aesthetically. The new vest is an elegant flowing dance of red, white and blue – the flag’s colours, remember – and has Great Britain written on it in big letters. It just doesn’t have that jagged, explosive, aggressive flag.

So, your problem with the Union Flag is an aesthetic one, right ?

I don’t mean the union flag is aggressive because it embodies an imperial arrogance or a coercive union that keeps Scotland in its place. No, it just looks as if it does.

Nothing to do with divisive politics then...Go on, do say...

Look at it, if you can bear to. With its cluttered burst of both right-angled and diagonal radiating lines, the British flag is heavy and overbearing, forceful and strident. On a battlefield it would make sense. Sure, this virulent standard served to rally regiments at the Battle of Waterloo. But today? At sporting events? It looks crap. Instead of suggesting unity, its sharp-angled divisions imply fragmentation. In fact, the relentless dynamism of its design evokes the shock and shatter of a cannon ball smashing into a French ship at the Battle of Trafalgar.

Who wants a dynamic flag, with any sense of urgency or purpose, huh ?  And those 'sharp-angled divisions' sure as hell put me in mind of a 'cannon ball smashing into a French ship at the Battle of Trafalgar'...wait, you meant that as a...bad thing...right ?  So, anyway, go on with your aesthetic critique...

This was fine when Britain ruled the waves but its military hysteria makes no sense nowadays. To see how visually repellent* the union flag really is you just have to contrast it with a truly great national flag, that of the United States. The American flag is beautiful, as the artist Jasper Johns saw very clearly when he made one out of collage and waxy paint. The stars and bars** are soothing and reassuring to look at. Those layers of repeated lines have a quality of minimalist art, although they date from long before such art was invented. Perhaps America’s flag has had a hidden influence on all its art movements, not only on Johns. The bars hang there in harmony and peace, and the stars float majestically in their blue ether.

You.Have.Got.To.Be.Shitting.ME.!!!  The American flag, scraped hastily together out of scraps of its own forebear ?  That stripey-assed Waldo-esque remnant of centuries past ?  I'll acknowledge that there are in fact worse flags...by far...but, as a symbol of the supposed leader of the free world, the US flag is a joke.  I could take your argument seriously if you acknowledged just about any other iconic flag but that one...

...The same goes for the French tricolour, another of the world’s most attractive flags. Its simple rectangles of colour are bold but beautiful. No wonder it has been imitated by so many other nations in varying colours.

Erm, yes.  Yes, indeed.

You don’t see many other countries imitating the British flag.

Wha...wha...what ?  Never mind how many flags explicitly incorporate the Union Flag directly, such as a certain US state, or are otherwise symbolically based upon elements of the Union Flag, such as the flag of the United States itself, or use similar motifs such as Jamaica.  Just WTF are you talking about ?

The flags of the United States and France are the results of 18th-century revolutions that gave their creators a sense of starting afresh. No ghosts of the past or compromised histories influenced the design of these revolutionary standards. On the contrary, they needed to be totally new, to symbolise new constitutions, new beginnings. 

Bull-fucking-shit !

...Perhaps Rutherford’s objection to the British flag’s disappearance from the national British athletics team’s kit reflects an anxiety about insidious anti-union propaganda, as if in the age of SNP triumph it is becoming politically incorrect to sport unifying British symbols too proudly. But I would argue it the other way around. Perhaps the union flag itself is a psychological boost to nationalists who want to break up Britain. Its sheer pompous ugliness unconsciously damages the image of the union.

Fuck you !

So here is an idea to save the United Kingdom as a political, emotional and cultural entity. Let’s invent a new flag. Let’s visually forget the history of internal compromise and external violence this flag so unattractively embodies. A new flag for a new Britain might help us love our – whole – nation again.

Like you give a flying fucking shit about the union...I just shat all over the evil emperialist entity that is the English, and would much rather see the damn thing dissolved, but yeah, let's fantasise about a new 'Union Flag' that we could all celebrate after we finally killed the beast...  Not that we need bother given said arsehole's fondness for the flag of the United States of America:

US Flag with 51st star for additional state, such as Puerto Rico

One single solitary identical star added for each soulless entity added.  That's it.  That's your glorious national identity right there.  Inspirational, isn't it, that slight adjustment in the field of stars ?...

Far far more inspirational than a simple symbol of the union of three*** nations thus:

I've said it before...I'll say it again... I hate the fuckin' Guardian.


* He actually said this; If he said this in, and regarding the country whose flag he apparently worships, he would likely be shot dead on the spot.

** You really do not want to use that phrase regarding American flags.

*** The Welsh were fucked with the flag, I will admit that much.  And the flag would be much cooler with a dragon.  No...Doubt.