Your Completely Insane Baseless Headline of the Day

Courtesy, of the Independent no less...

The changing nature of the British jobs market has broken the link between unemployment and crime, according to new research.

The phenomenon – which saw rising joblessness matched by increased burglaries, thefts and robberies during the Thatcher years – ended in 2005, according to an analysis of crime and employment statistics.

The latest research suggests that growing trend of employers to adopt part-time working and zero-hours contracts has meant that communities are less blighted by mass unemployment and less likely to resort to crime.

The findings explain in part why Britain was not hit by a crime epidemic following the 2007-8 financial crisis which led to unemployment rising above eight per cent for the first time in more than a decade but saw a continuing long-term decline in crime.

Here's the link to the full story.  See if you can find anything there to support that supposition.

The story does mention the likely role in preventitive technology in reducing crime, though that only addresses the question of means.

Here's a hint from the other side of the Atlantic at a more likely causative factor:

But no-one seems to want to take that line of enquiry seriously, and we're going to be still debating this shit for decades to come, and still pushing Dirty Harry-style get-tough rhetoric on crime even as London sinks into the Thames and DC & NYC into the Atlantic.


Quick Update: Oh yeah, here's this from the Independent in 2007: Ban on leaded petrol 'has cut crime rates around the world'

Banning lead in petrol is responsible for declining crime rates in Britain, the United States and other countries, startling new research suggests.

The astonishing conclusion threatens to overturn current thinking on crime and punishment....

Published in the peer-reviewed journal, Environmental Research, the study reports a "very strong association" over more than 50 years between the exposure of young children to the toxic metal and crime rates 20 years later when they are young adults.

And it says the association holds true for a wide variety of countries with differing social conditions, law and order policies...

Britain – one of the last to get rid of the toxic metal – is one of the latest to enjoy a decline in crime.

But, someone seems to want to tell a very different story today, and link falling crime-rates to zero-hours contracts of all things.  Ladies & Gentleman, your Independent newspaper.

Not the North Pole ! What will that Dastardly Vlad Do Next ?

Ah, the Daily Express, my number-one source in determining the major threats to our civilisation, to our way of life, to our survival.  That paragon of journalistic integrity and accuracy.  Do tell.  Do tell.

Vladimir Putin: Russia owns the NORTH POLE - and the UN needs to give it back to us!

VLADIMIR PUTIN has made his most audacious land grab bid yet after claiming that Russia owns the NORTH POLE.

Not content with just spreading his power base into Ukraine, the eccentric president has now submitted a bold claim to a large portion of the Arctic.

Russia has long had eyes on the Arctic ice, which it is thought could contain vast reserves of oil, precious gems and minerals. 

Putin recently announced plans to bolster the country's naval presence in the region, sparking fears that the country could attempt a military-led land grab.

Those would be the plans would they to restore a fraction of the former Soviet presence in the region, at a time when all interested parties are staking their claim to the far North, and at least one Western oil-company is actively planning to drill in the Arctic ?  I can't imagine why they would be doing that.

Now Russia has submitted a claim to the UN for a large swathe of Arctic ice covering an astonishing 500,000 square miles, parts of which have already been claimed by Denmark. 

Gasp !

Russian officials claim tectonic plate maps show that the disputed territory is part of Russia's "continental character".

...

In a statement outlining the claim, the Russian government stated: "The outer borders of the continental shelf in the Arctic Ocean is based on the scientific understanding that the central Arctic underwater ridges…have a continental character."

Moscow will now ask the UN Commission on the Limits and the Continental Shelf (CLCS) to rule on the boundaries of the contintental shelf in the Arctic Ocean. 

They asked a UN body specifically tasked with advising on continental boundaries to...advise on continental boundaries ?!!  The cads !  The bounders !

Denmark’s submission to the commission, made on behalf of Greenland, was the first attempt to claim outright ownership of the North Pole. 

Wait, what ?  Back up just a second there...Denmark did what ?

That has provoked the response from Putin, who would be unwilling to see potentially lucrative lands falling into western hands. 

When Denmark submitted its bid in December 2014, a leading expert on Arctic sovereignty predicted that Russia would retaliate. 

Er, *cough* Crimea *cough* Eastern Ukraine *cough*.

Canadian professor Michael Byers said: “It is ironic that the only country that right now could be said to be acting provocatively in the Arctic is Denmark. That is out of character with the country’s tradition of constructive diplomacy." 

Erm, what was our headline for this article again ?  I don't recall any mention of Queen Margrethe or Mister Rasmussen.  Weren't we talking about a certain Russian fellow ?

Under UN rules states are entitled to claim the continental shelf extending to 200 nautical miles from their coast. 

The Danish government expects its claim to be processed by 2027 after spending more than £31million in research. 

Canada has also said it will try to extend its territorial claims in the Arctic to include the North Pole, although it hasn't yet fully mapped its claim....

The monsters !  Oh wait, Canada isn't an officially designated villain in this story, is it ?  Canada's actions are inherently benign then.

...Last month Russia announced that its navy will deploy a fleet of new icebreakers to the Arctic tasked with sidestepping traditional Nato security patrols. 

We're politicising ice-breakers now ?  When did then happen ?


I dunno, this shit is hilarious, but what percentage of the idiots reading the Express will just see the headline and believe it implicitly without even bothering to read the story ?

What percentage, as evidenced by certain comments on the story, will click on the link, not bother to actually read the story, and then, despite not having read the Express' own words on the matter, post a comment publicly, based solely on the hyperbolic headline ?


Meanwhile, the Express also has a highly perceptive story to offer in which they note that all-out nuclear war between Russia and the West would create a 'dystopian future where London ceases to exist'.  No !  You don't say !  Illustrated throughout with images based upon some stupid movie (30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, baby !), that basically involve taking pictures of actual London, and simply blackening them a little, and adding some smoke & fire.  Despite their own 'futurologist's rather generous comment in the article that 'If anything, [the images] were a little optimistic. Things like The Shard on fire, if you had a Third World War it would be a pile of rubble - it wouldn't be on fire.'  Er, no shit.


What would we do without such fine journalism ?

Aw, Poor Bobby Jindal...

Graphic: Gurman Bhatia/Poynter

Wait, what I am saying ?  Fuck that guy.

Left: 'Official' Portrait of Gov. Bobby Jindal/Right: Some Random Brown Dude

Chart, h/t TBogg

Scott Walker, King of the Unfinished Cheesesteak*

Somehow, I doubt that this image of authoritarian sociopath fuck Scott Walker eating a sandwich will end up on the cover of many American tabloids.  Not that US outlets don't have their own ways of shaming candidates over their consumption of sandwiches, such as questioning their choice of cheese.

Walker said he was well aware of Kerry's faux pas.

"Oh, yeah, I heard about the Swiss cheese," Walker said. "I wouldn't be able to eat it if it wasn't with Cheez Whiz or American anyway. Maybe cheddar if they had it, but I'm not supporting Swiss cheese."

Because, Swiss surrender-monkeys ?

But apparently, that's not the real topic of discussion, regarding this picture.  No, it's...the bald spot.  Which, er, has its own page on Facebook and its own blog ?**  Might it have something to do with his bizarre claim that his bald spot was a result of an accident in the kitchen ?

As Gov. Scott Walker was wrapping up his visit Monday with the State Journal editorial board, he joked with cartoonist Phil Hands that Hands draws his ears too big — but said the cartoonist’s portrayal of his bald spot was accurate.

The governor continued.

The bald spot, he said, was the result of a repair incident in the kitchen when he banged his head on an open kitchen cabinet door while making repairs requested by his wife, Tonette.

She kept telling him to go to the doctor to get the scar on his head looked at, he said. When he finally did, the doctor said his hair would never grow back in that spot, the governor explained.

Tonette still points to the bald spot as a reminder that he should always listen to his wife, he said.

Uh huh.  So, you hit your head, a part of your head (that part of your head itself quite round, note) that just so happens to correspond exactly with traditional patterns of male pattern baldness on a somehow perfectly round and absurdly wide section of a cabinet-door, and were left with a massive bald spot ?  Or maybe you got a scar at the very centre of the part of your head that just so happens to correspond exactly with traditional patterns of male pattern baldness, and the surrounding hairs all died off out of sympathy for their lost colleagues ?  That the way it works now ?  Well, gee, I'm not a scientist, so wha' the hell do I know ?

I don't want to know, don't want to even imagine what this combination of utter lunacy and limitless vanity says about Scott Walker.  Everything I already know about the man and his billionaire backers scares me quite enough already, thank you very much.


* This makes me sad: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CLBT18pXAAAX27H.jpg:large***

** What, you say those are fake sites created by Walker's political opponents ?  Nooooo, surely, not.

*** Was wondering why the two images didn't match, and almost doubting my sanity.  But then: 'Walker ordered one each from Geno's and rival Pat's King of Steaks, across the street, during a brief campaign swing through the City of Brotherly Love. He's one of 16 Republicans vying for the party's presidential nomination and, true to political form, wouldn't say which cheesesteak was better.'  Okay, so I'm not mad.  Good.

Britain's Top Fascist

Katie Hopkins is “super-keen on euthanasia vans” and says there are “far too many old people”.

The Sun columnist – who launches her own panel show If Katie Hopkins Ruled The World next month – said it is “ridiculous” to live in a country “where we can put dogs to sleep but not people”.

Her comments come shortly after she admitted regretting some of the extreme language she used against migrants in a column she wrote in the Sun entitled “Rescue boats? I’d use gunships to stop migrants”.

In an interview by Michael Buerk in Radio Times magazine, Hopkins said: “We just have far too many old people.”

She added: “It’s ridiculous to be living in a country where we can put dogs to sleep but not people.”

Asked for her solution, she said: “Easy. Euthanasia vans – just like ice-cream vans – that would come to your home.”

The former Celebrity Big Brother contestant added: “It would all be perfectly charming. They might even have a nice little tune they’d play. I mean this genuinely. I’m super-keen on euthanasia vans.

“We need to accept that just because medical advances mean we can live longer, it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.”

Gee, I'm so sorry for calling migrants cockroaches;  Now let me fantasise about killing Granny...

How many minutes of fame has this reprehensible excuse for a human being enjoyed now ?  And why are we still being exposed to her disgusting bile ?  Does her career exist solely for the purpose of making even the likes of Gideon & May come across as caring & humane by comparison ?


PS, Katie, in the sort of fascistic society about which you apparently fantasise, you would likely be a target for euthanasia yourself, both as a woman exiting her prime breeding-potential, and as a likely apparent victim of mental illness.

The Daily Mail Digs for Dirt on Patrick Macnee*

If you ignore the hyperbolic and puritanical headlining of this would-be hitjob by the DM on a man who just died, the piece is actually a rather interesting read for any fans of Patrick Macnee and The Avengers.  The man escaped a troubled homelife, found fame and success, and more importantly, he lived.  Good for him.


* Or more accurately, they just mined his autobiography.

The Daily Mail Doing What It Does Best

Evidently no-one's off limits to the DM.  Not that I wouldn't have guessed that, but it's still rather sad.

Super glam SamCam, the bikini babe - but how DID she get beach body ready? As PM courts European leaders she 'chillaxes' in Ibiza

She has spent the past few months travelling the country, sharing her husband’s punishing Election schedule.So there’s one question everyone is asking: just how did Samantha Cameron find the time to get this beach-ready?The 44-year-old showed off her slim, toned figure as she spent a few days unwinding on the Spanish party island of Ibiza. 

Is that what they're asking ?  I'd have gone for how is this appropriate or how is this newsworthy ?  I'm guessing that what the woman who happens to be married to the British Prime Minister was doing was not showing off her figure so much as just spending some time at the beach with her children.  And perhaps hoping for the modicum of privacy any family would wish to have.

But carry on with the breathless speculation about her fashion-choices and obsession over her fitness-regime, adorned with not one paparazzo-shot but four, along with a bonus pic. from 2011 so you can talk about her post-pregnancy figure.  Not at all creepy.  Sigh.

The photos are sure to make husband David a little wistful – far from being able ‘chillax’ himself, the Prime Minister is on a whistlestop tour of Europe in his efforts to reform the EU.

Fuck that guy.  But maybe leave his family alone ?

The Telegraph's Princess 'Spare Tyre' Diana Mark II

Once she has a name, will we finally stop going on about the royal baby ?

I get it.  A lot of Americans and a certain percentage of Britons are obsessed with Royalty, and aristocratic systems generally.  And due to the insane obsession of like-minded idiots globally, there is money to be made in tourism, which thanks to the lunatic commitment of Anglo-Saxon countries to extremist capitalist free-market ideologies, is alongside banking and retail, one of the few meaningful sectors still standing in the British economy.  But the non-stop coverage in the media is ridiculous.

So a certain couple in a certain family, which was once known as the Saxe-Coburg-Gothas has had a second child.  A child, which if the increasingly symbolic institution of the monarchy still exists many many decades from now, could theoretically be queen, depending on the deaths, abdications, or other misfortunes of her nearest relatives.  So the fuck what ?

I'm no anti-royalist, but the monarchy is, whether one likes it or not, an institution of dwindling importance in the everyday lives of the monarch's supposed subjects, and increasingly the role the political elites want the monarchy to play would seem to be a combination of providing cover for unpopular political decisions by the ruling party (and really, the fact that the Queen is trotted out every year and forced to give what is increasingly little more than a party-political-broadcast on behalf of whatever party currently controls Number 10 is frankly disgusting) and serving as a shiny object to distract the gullible masses from the problems affecting their everyday lives, largely as a result of the decisions of those same political elites.  And boy, could those elites ever do with a distraction right now.  Which brings us to:

This shit, from the front page, online and print of the Telegraph.

I don't really care personally that much what the couple in question (it's William isn't it, and one of the Middletons...Kate, I think ?) call their daughter, but in so far as I will engage with it, there's two ways of looking at this: a) They call their daughter what they want, without any consideration for the politics and optics thereof as representatives of the aforementioned political institution, or b) They take into account the politics and optics thereof, in which case, as a Christian name at least (nobody cares about middle names), calling the child Diana is one of the stupidest things they could possibly do.

The passage of time, the elevation of William over his father in the attention of the media and the public, and the marriage and subsequent children from said marriage of William & Kate have done a great deal to heal the wounds of that particular era of the British monarchy.  Why rip them open anew by giving the poor child the name of her grandmother, and reminding everybody of just how toxic that era was ?  And no, whatever you might think of Charles or the Queen, 'Saint Diana' wasn't exactly blameless in what went down all those years ago.  If as a purely personal matter, the couple want to name their child 'Diana', 'Elizabeth', or 'Mongo the Magnificent' for that matter, then hey, more power to them.  But if we must turn this into a symbolic political decision, then fer fuck's sake, just about the only stupider choice of name with which to burden the poor child would be probably 'Camilla.'

I mean, c'mon Telegraph, make up your mind what business you're in.  Is it providing consistently half-arsed tabloid-journalistic propaganda on behalf of the Tory party ?  Or is it just trolling the entire nation for shits and giggles ?

Oh, and lest you might be under any illusion that the Telegraph actually gives a shit about the actual female child who recently entered this world, contemplate this (complete with multiple pictures of seemingly far-more important older brother):

So, the poor child must not only be named Diana, but be Diana, as in some sort of symbolic re-incarnation of the now be-sainted and fictionalised princess of yesteryear.  Although, in the meantime, we'll unofficially just call her 'the spare.'  As in spare tyre.  As in disposable easily replaceable cog.  Wait...hey, the Telegraph finally found a way to make the monarchy relevant to the modern economy and the ordinary working experience.  Result !


Update: Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.  Fine.  Can we more on now ?

No en mi patio trasero

Well, it would be...

...irresponsible...

...not to speculate.

So many layers of stupid here, I'm not going to even bother.  Not.  Gonna.  Happen.  But it did give me an excuse to play with a blast simulator, so thanks Express !

Posted without Comment

Your Daily Bullshit from the Tabloid Media, Complete with Chemtrails !

We do just love us some conspiracy-theories when it comes to air-disasters, don't we ? So, this story seems to be doing the rounds currently at all the usual tabloids:

So nothing to do with the suicidal pilot, the plane was hacked !  Wait, what was that you said ?  Bullshit ?  But it's from (a letter to) the Financial Times, so that makes it serious journalism.  Much props tabloid journos.  We've got us a quote from an 'aviation expert', the president of an actual (seemingly now defunct) airline.  Mister Matt Andersson.  Hmm, I wonder...

Wait, what's that second picture say again ?

Huh.  Weaponisation of weather.  Chemtrails.  Someone make this shit up ?  Where'd it come from ?  Oh, the Letters section of the Guardian:

Nuclear Freakin' Planes

Wow, that's one hell of a headline, huh ?  Nuclear-powered planes !   No possible problems with that idea.  I wonder why no-one else in the entire newsmedia is reporting on this amazing story.

Imagine flying from London to Sydney without having to stop over to change planes or refuel.

This is the dream of scientists looking to shape the next generation of air travel as they test a system of huge, nuclear-propelled aircraft constantly circling the globe.

Passengers would be delivered to the behemoths via smaller planes, along with their luggage. People could even change flights in mid-air.

Engineers are also working on “flying petrol stations” that could enable non-stop flights from Britain to the other side of the world.

Instead of touching down in ­Singapore or Dubai on the way to Australia, huge “air tankers” would be strategically positioned along long-haul routes to allow planes to refuel in mid-air, cutting the time it takes to travel the world.

Sounds cool, right ?  Full story over at the Mirror is complete with a kick-ass gallery and awesome video.  But seemingly no other supporting documentation, and no external links.    Last line of the 'article' may give an idea as to why:

But the team admitted: “Neither air-worthiness nor acceptance of the idea by the general public is within sight.”

Which idea would that be, I wonder.  So, let's go look up the Recreate Project, and see what they have to say...

Project

SUMMARY

The research done in this project is about the introduction and airworthiness of cruiser-feeder concepts of operations for civil aircraft. Cruiser-feeder concepts of operations are investigated as a promising pioneering idea enabling energy efficient air transport of the future. The soundness of cruiser-feeder concepts of operations for civil aircraft has been under investigation in the RECREATE project for 36 months. A concept with fuel transfer from feeder to cruiser, and a concept with payload transfer between feeder aircraft and a nuclear propelled cruiser have been studied extensively. For the latter nuclear cruiser concept, it is concluded that neither airworthiness nor acceptance of the idea by the general public is within sight. However, for the concept with fuel transfer from feeder to cruiser (civil air-to-air refuelling operations), the results of our collaborative research indicate a fuel burn reduction potential on isolated aircraft level between 11% and 23 % for a typical 6000 nautical miles flight with a payload of 250 passengers. It is remarked that the lower bond of this reduction potential is usually considered as large in the aerospace industry.

So actually, the Mirror didn't give these plucky researchers enough credit.  They haven't actually ruled out...mid-flight refuelling of civilian airliners.  Just...the nuclear freakin' planes.  Oh and the whole ridiculous mid-air transfer of passengers thing.

And hey, looks like they gave some free advertising to Big Finish.  That's nice.

Think of the Children

So some paparazzo takes (very boring) pictures of Paul Weller and his teenage daughter out shopping in LA with Weller's twin babies in a pushchair or stroller.  So the Daily Mail publishes some of these pictures, misidentifying Weller's daughter as his wife.  The Weller family sues the Daily Mail, wins damages, and now Weller's wife is pushing for a law in Britain criminalising the publication of non-pixelated potentially recognisable pictures of childrens' faces without their parents' consent.  Common-sense measure to protect children or slippery slope ?

Personally I think it's rather pathetic that there's a market for such pictures in the first place, and the world would be a much better place without paparazzi scum harassing and stalking individuals who happen to be celebrities or friends and relatives of the same.  But must we really legislate everything to this degree ?  Would the measure apply only to newspapers ?  What about street photography ?  And why, if we're going down this road, shouldn't adults be entitled to the same protections ?

In a sane world, surely we'd agree that publications that engage in or encourage this type of activity should be shunned, and that would be that.  But ooh, look...they got pictures of Brangelina at the beach, ooh look at that actress without makeup, doesn't she look old !  Oh look, evidence of space aliens in Hitler's bunker.  I'll just add that to my basket at the checkout and have a nice read later over tea.