Finally...

The inevitable stupid sellout happens.

Vomit.

Probably better for Tory Clarkson, able to provide shittier, more (for him) remunerative shows free of the constraints of the BBC, to an ever-more circumscribed audience.

...and...

better for the lefty politically-correct idiots at the BBC, who can conveniently shrink the audience for Top Gear as was, just in time for the Conservatives to push for its cancellation...much to their relief.

Ev'rybody wins !!! Except for fans of Top Gear...or the BBC.  Or civilisation generally.

Chris Evans, Woo Hoo

Liar.

Well now you've got your substitute middle-aged white bloke to host, just need to make sure one of the co-hosts is a woman, and preferably a minority so you can fill those diversity-quotas.  Or you could just hire on talent.

Latest Idiotic Top Gear Rumour

Ugh.  'Cause that worked out so well for other shows didn't it ?  Rotating-host roulette.

If true, basically this is an admission by the BBC that they haven't a hope of replicating the chemistry that worked for so long under Clarkson & co., but are going to continue to milk the cash-cow for all they can till its teats drop off and it just flat-out falls over on its side.

Posted without Comment

It's Just a Fucking Programme and Life is Fucking Short

Wait, what, Sue Perkins is now receiving death-threats over stupid speculation that she could be chosen to host Top Gear ?  What insane jihad will Mel soon invite ?  What fucking asshole could have anything against Sue ?  Other than...THE GAY thing...obviously.  She's the loveliest of ladies, what the hell is this hate ?  Is there somewhere I can sign up to resign from the human fucking race ?  I despair of this shit...

Please, Make it Stop...

Sorry Jezza; New Host of Top Gear

So, with Clarkson officially out, inevitably the speculation ramps up over a replacement.  And there do seem to be a hell of a lot of names being floated about.  So who should it be then ?

Chris Evans, who consistently denies any interest in the role ?

Bringing back Noel Edmonds or Angela Rippon.  Uh, no comment.

Steve Coogan, the man who wrote, this...?

Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge ?  A fictional character as presenter ?  Surely Coogan can get one of the networks to agree to a Partridge motoring outlet if that's what he wants, but at the expense of Top Gear ?

Piers Morgan ?  Does anybody actually want that ?

Stephen Fry ?  That's a joke, right ?  That Stephen Fry ?  You kid, surely ?

Various race-car-drivers with no previous presenting experience ?

Various television presenters with little or no automotive experience ?


Suppose it depends in part on what the BBC plans to do with the show, and whether it is looking for another blokish politically incorrect middle-aged white fella to replace Clarkson (Nigel Farage, anyone...), or whether it fulfils the Guardianistas' desire for an 'eco-feminist Top Gear'.  I might suggest Sandi Toksvig as host, but she's got far too much humour and personality for the PC crowd.

Surely, there's a middle-way; someone who's a million miles away from a Clarkson clone, someone with the driving and the presenting experience, and someone who's self-evidently passionate (maybe a little too passionate at times) about motors and motoring.  Has there ever been anyone so perfect for Top Gear as Vicki Butler-Henderson ?

And to be blunt, someone ever so slightly easier on the eye, than ole' Slabber-chops Clarkson.

Guess it won't happen with all the Fifth Gear hate, but a guy can dream...

And as for the question of Josie Kidd, I think I'd still prefer VBH, but either of these gals would be preferable to pretty much any of the idiot males being mentioned for the role currently.  Shit, why not Larry King ?  And the Huffington Post even mentioned Vladimir Putin as a candidate...

The Evolution of Top Gear (and some random bloke from Doncaster)

Just one video before the fold:

Now, if only there were a way to see what Top Gear might look like as a more serious motoring programme...Turns out...there is:

Top Gear

Lots of nonsense written lately about Top Gear and Jeremy's latest 'fracas', such as the call in The Guardian, for an 'eco-feminist Top Gear'.  And now, apparently Jeremy's spoken out, and it sounds like he actually agrees with Ms. Williams about his being 'on the wrong side of history'.

I THINK it's fair to say that nature made a mistake when it invented the dinosaur.

It was too big, too violent and with such small and puny arms it was never going to be able to operate heavy machinery or even enjoy a bit of special "me" time.

So one day all the dinosaurs died — and now, many years later, no one mourns their passing.

...

But let's be honest. These big, imposing creatures have no place in a world that has moved on.

And honestly, it probably is time for a change, because, let's face it, the show has been lagging the last few years.  This last series especially -- The most entertaining episode so far was probably the one that relied on the joke of Clarkson and May apparently sociopathically leaving Hammond stranded in the frozen Canadian wilderness whilst they casually toured one eatery after another in their giant pickups.  Ha.  Clarkson & Co. have kept the world entertained with the exotic cars, with their pranks and stunts, with their gloriously sophomoric and politically incorrect humour for well over a decade, but any show would tend to get stale with the same crew after that long.  And for all the excitement Ms. Williams might find in our automotive future, an electric car just isn't as sexy as a V8, and driverless cars, well...  It was a good run.

And despite what Ms. Williams may think about Clarkson (psst...Zoe...he's playing a character...it's teevee...), Clarkson's no idiot, and he'll be writing columns, touring the panel show circuit, and like as not, running other shows for years to come, not that he needs to with the tens of millions of pounds he's been paid over the years.  May will be just fine as well.  And Hammond, er...

As for the four-million viewer-shaped hole in the lineup, and the lost international revenue, well the Beeb'll find some other shiny bauble, most likely in the form of yet more reality bullshit.  Never mind the fact that, psst...BBC...You're supposed to be a national broadcaster, funded by the licence fee.  Chasing ratings against ITV isn't in your remit.

Just do us a favour and release the remaining episodes already.  Who are you really punishing by withholding them ?  The multi-millionaire presenters ?

Top Gear Patagonia Special

Up next on BBC2, the peace- and democracy-loving people of Argentina respond to the arrival of a BBC film crew by staging a spontaneous apology for the utterly immoral and illegal 1982 invasion of the Falklands.  Oh right, that's not what happened at all is it ?...

Glad to see no-one was hurt, and they finally got the programme out despite all that.  Stupid humans !