RT Trolls the Republican Debate

Some brilliant assholery here from the former Russia Today.  Love Matthews at 1'05.

Speaking of Which...

As All of America/The Entire Republican Party/Fox News Viewers/A Handful of Political Junkies eagerly await the pretend Republican debate(s) on Fox News next week, meanwhile, the actual debate of Republican candidates not named Trump, with an actual chance at the nomination, will take place in southern California this weekend as charisma-less son and brother of former presidents, JEB!, personal puppet-doll of the Kochs, Scott Walker, lunatic clown, Ted Cruz, pretty boy, Marco Rubio, and for some altogether inexplicable reason, failed businesswoman Carly Fiorina compete for the chance at being the billionaire Koch Brothers' chosen bitch in the coming Republican primaries.

Although the remaining eleven 'serious' candidates & Carly, may have a chance of being chosen for the historically most-often powerless VP spot (Darth Cheney, and to a lesser degree, Uncle Joe aside), really, most of the others have no chance of winning, and know that full well, but are running anyway, because...they have nothing the fuck to lose in so doing, and can hoover up oodles of cash in the name of an utterly futile campaign.  They could also have counted on oodles of attention from the media, were it not for one attention-crazed multiple-bankrupt property-developer entering the race...

Fiorina's presence puzzles me a little.  I can only assume, that either, a) the Kochs have her in mind for the VP slot, thinking that her possession of lady-parts somehow lessens Hillary's chances in the General Election, or that b) they think it's needful to string her utterly hopeless campaign along a little longer at least to counter the idea that the GOP is solely a party of rich white men.  Which to be true, it isn't.  It also includes a lot of people, who desperately would rather they were rich white men, and are more than happy to paper over any differences in order to gain even a junior seat at the big boy's table.

Regardless, keeping the Donald's joker-card in mind, almost certainly the nominee will be one of these four assholes: JEB!, fascist fuck Scott Walker, the always entertaining idiot Ted Cruz, or, less likely by the day, 'I'm so Young and Pretty; Isn't Hillary an old Hag' Marco Rubio.  The rest of the crowd is just so much entertainment-value, funded not just by the Brothers Koch, but by the rest of the billionaire-establishment that made Citizens United possible (H/T Chief Justice John Roberts, H/T as always Harriet Miers).

Of course, the Koch-sucking show will all take place behind closed doors (please let someone have sneaked in a camera, please !) as the top candidates get down on their knees and promise various ways in which they, if president, will personally advance the Kochs' agenda of maximally increasing their own personal wealth and power, at the expense of any other single consideration of humanity.

But don't worry, proles, though you are, and long have been, completely shut out of decision-making in your own so-called democracy, at least you'll get to laugh at the pretend candidates in the 'debates' on Fox.

What you won't get, which our more wise historical overlords knew the value of of, was the chance at public dunkings, and throwing rotten fruit.

Scott Walker, King of the Unfinished Cheesesteak*

Somehow, I doubt that this image of authoritarian sociopath fuck Scott Walker eating a sandwich will end up on the cover of many American tabloids.  Not that US outlets don't have their own ways of shaming candidates over their consumption of sandwiches, such as questioning their choice of cheese.

Walker said he was well aware of Kerry's faux pas.

"Oh, yeah, I heard about the Swiss cheese," Walker said. "I wouldn't be able to eat it if it wasn't with Cheez Whiz or American anyway. Maybe cheddar if they had it, but I'm not supporting Swiss cheese."

Because, Swiss surrender-monkeys ?

But apparently, that's not the real topic of discussion, regarding this picture.  No, it's...the bald spot.  Which, er, has its own page on Facebook and its own blog ?**  Might it have something to do with his bizarre claim that his bald spot was a result of an accident in the kitchen ?

As Gov. Scott Walker was wrapping up his visit Monday with the State Journal editorial board, he joked with cartoonist Phil Hands that Hands draws his ears too big — but said the cartoonist’s portrayal of his bald spot was accurate.

The governor continued.

The bald spot, he said, was the result of a repair incident in the kitchen when he banged his head on an open kitchen cabinet door while making repairs requested by his wife, Tonette.

She kept telling him to go to the doctor to get the scar on his head looked at, he said. When he finally did, the doctor said his hair would never grow back in that spot, the governor explained.

Tonette still points to the bald spot as a reminder that he should always listen to his wife, he said.

Uh huh.  So, you hit your head, a part of your head (that part of your head itself quite round, note) that just so happens to correspond exactly with traditional patterns of male pattern baldness on a somehow perfectly round and absurdly wide section of a cabinet-door, and were left with a massive bald spot ?  Or maybe you got a scar at the very centre of the part of your head that just so happens to correspond exactly with traditional patterns of male pattern baldness, and the surrounding hairs all died off out of sympathy for their lost colleagues ?  That the way it works now ?  Well, gee, I'm not a scientist, so wha' the hell do I know ?

I don't want to know, don't want to even imagine what this combination of utter lunacy and limitless vanity says about Scott Walker.  Everything I already know about the man and his billionaire backers scares me quite enough already, thank you very much.


* This makes me sad: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CLBT18pXAAAX27H.jpg:large***

** What, you say those are fake sites created by Walker's political opponents ?  Nooooo, surely, not.

*** Was wondering why the two images didn't match, and almost doubting my sanity.  But then: 'Walker ordered one each from Geno's and rival Pat's King of Steaks, across the street, during a brief campaign swing through the City of Brotherly Love. He's one of 16 Republicans vying for the party's presidential nomination and, true to political form, wouldn't say which cheesesteak was better.'  Okay, so I'm not mad.  Good.

That US Presidential Candidate Tracker Thing

No, I haven't been updating it.  I hesitated as new candidates entered the race, as to whether I should add Carly Fiorina & Bernie Sanders despite both not having a cat in hell's chance of winning their respective nominations, and since then the field has just continued to balloon ridiculously.  To have a usable web-graphic, I think something like an image of a cartoony train-carriage, looping around the page would be necessary, and I'm not sure I'm up to it.  At this point, the whole thing is a farce, as is the continuing use of the word 'democracy' to describe the elections.

I mean, yes, many countries have mock-candidates.  John Oliver did a bit on the joke-candidacies as a result of mandatory voting in Brasil, and the Monster Raving Loony Party is a bona fide staple of British elections, but...these people are going to make millions and millions of dollars out of pretending to run for president.  While in the background, the country's multi-billionaires decide amongst themselves the actual winner...

I mean, shit, I can just about identify 2/3 of these assholes, but I'm guessing the average American would struggle to get above low single digits.

That fascist in the far-lower right-hand corner is maybe worth paying attention, as is, solely due to his name, his opposite in the far-upper left-hand corner.  And third from right in the top row, well, that motherfucker's a terrifying prospect given his record and the American public's gullibility.  As for Mister second from the far-left top corner, well...

Dramas involving bridges or not...are you really going to elect...this guy ?*

Let's just chug a quart or two of bleach in honour of Auntie Hill becoming the US' next semi-benevolent dictator...


* Although honestly, Chris Christie is far and away actually one of the better candidates from the GOP.